Discovering that we had misunderstood something, that we had made a mistake, that we’d given a wrong answer, that we’d reached a conclusion based on partial information that turned out not to be the whole story – all of these can produce feelings of inadequacy, shame, fear of failing again. The way others respond to us during these moments can exacerbate the unease, by eroding our sense of confidence, or by falsely propping up our sense of “well there’s no way we could have known” pride.
I would argue, however, that we can regularly work three muscles to get better at the art of being wrong. Curiosity, Empathy, and Aspiration. Curiosity helps us ask good questions, get curious about other ways of looking at things. Empathy helps us connect with other people, get genuine in our relationships and in human connection. Aspiration helps us look towards the promise of the future, take accountability for our own actions, learn from where we are today to make tomorrow even better.
Picture it…
When asked for a specific set of financial inputs at a specific point in time, Alex used a model that reasonably represented the situation at hand, given the data he had available. The reports Alex produced were used to create the operating budget for a high-priority initiative within the organization.
Since then, the market has shifted, new information has come available, and if asked today to produce the same set of reports, Alex would use a completely different financial model.
But no one is asking for a new model; the budget has already been created (based on Alex’s original model), and the funds allocated based on that budget are likely not to be sufficient to complete the desired work.
What would you do if you were Alex in that situation?
Alex wasn’t wrong – the situation has just changed.
Voluntarily going out on a limb to “speak up” could create interruptions; changing the financial model now could create significant change.
Delays and change are hard for many, so that path has the potential to create negative reactions.
And there’s also a chance – and it’s not a small one – that someone not close to the actual situation will decide that someone didn’t know what they were doing because they changed direction now.
We’ve got to get better at embracing new information! In this case, I was pretty careful to clarify that Alex used the best available information at the time, and that new information became available – but isn’t that usually the case? For so many of us, when a direction is changed, it isn’t because someone was wrong, it was because information changed or new information became available.
Okay, how about this one?
Today is Amy’s first day back in the office after taking two weeks off to move and settle her aging parents into a residential care facility. The move was particularly stressful for her Dad. Amy’s brother, who has always been best at relating to Dad, flew back to his home several states away late last night. Amy is overstressed and overtired, and the pile of work waiting for her this morning is overwhelming. Amy moves quickly – and a bit distractedly – through her tasks, including her first onboarding meeting with Ari.
Today is Ari’s first day in the office. When Ari interviewed with the company a couple months ago, Ari especially appreciated the kind, comprehensive, one-on-one conversations with Amy and others in the organization. It seemed then that there was a clear picture of the future vision, a patient exploration of the strategy and steps to get there, and a great investment into relationship building and getting to know each person as an individual. This morning, however, Ari is feeling rushed, unseen, and a bit unwelcome.
What would you do if you were Ari in this situation?
Amy’s behavior today is different than it had been in the interview. Ari isn’t imagining a different kind of interaction.
First day impressions can make or break success on a job. If you don’t feel valued, or if you feel like you can’t be your best and most authentic self in the culture, it might not be a long-term fit.
Saying something or asking questions on the first day on the job can feel scary, but on the other hand, aren't we supposed to use those first weeks to ask questions and build relationships?
We’ve got to get better at approaching the humans around us with a dose of empathy! So often, people are living through something the rest of us know nothing about, and that life sometimes spills over into our workplace interactions inadvertently.
Here’s one more:
Paul just discovered that he had mistakenly used a system setting to specify something as a “widget” when it was actually a “thingamajig.” Unfortunately, according to how the system processed business rules, this meant that a subset of customers couldn’t access some product information for about six months. There are potential financial impacts, though it would be hard to calculate the exact dollars. Fixing it for the future is easy, but going back and undoing the last six months is impossible.
In Paul’s organization, accountability is prized and celebrated. When Paul pointed out that the error had been identified and fixed for going forward, Paul’s leader empathetically shared Paul’s frustration that the error had occurred, and said “thanks for fixing it!”
What would you do if you were Paul in this situation?
There could be all kinds of reasons that the system setting wasn’t right – insufficient training or onboarding, copying another example that also wasn’t right, someone else messed with it, the testing team didn’t catch it, etc.
Taking ownership of something that went wrong is hard. Speaking up makes us vulnerable to looking less than perfect.
But honest mistakes are honest mistakes, and humans are prone to error (hence the expression “human error”).
We’ve got to get better at taking ownership for errors when they happen and at making safe space for others to do the same. So often, people hide their errors because they are afraid of what others will do with the knowledge that a mistake has been made.
So, let me offer three tips today, to help build our muscles in these three skills of curiosity, empathy, and aspiration. They’re really a series of questions.
Tip 1 – Build curiosity. How can I use curiosity in this situation to reframe “being wrong”?
Tip 2 – Build empathy. How can I use empathy to avoid judging others?
Tip 3 – Build aspiration. How can I use aspiration to get even better to help me learn from this situation?
How about you? How will you build your muscles in Curiosity, Empathy, and Aspiration?