Three Tips to Reframe to the Positive
We’ve all had those days where we feel like things are spiraling out of control. For me it usually starts with a missed alarm; perhaps I forgot to set it, or perhaps I slept right through it. By the time I wake up I’m already running a little bit late, which, inevitably means something else will go wrong. It might be a spill that requires cleaning up – coffee spilling onto the counter and running down into the drawers or yogurt falling out of the fridge and splattering all over the floor – or it might be game of hide and go seek with my car keys. By the time I’m finally ready to walk out the door I already feel my day start to head into a bit of a tailspin.
These are exactly the kind of days where we need to be primed to reframe our attitude as soon as possible. When these moment strike, we need to be ready to reframe our perspective to the positive as soon as we possibly can. So, before those moments happen, let me offer you three tips for reframing to the positive.
1. Recognize the moment.
Often, the first couple incidents don’t irritate us, but that third thing really gets under our skin. So, learn to recognize these moments. Learn to recognize the moments when one or two things have you feeling a bit on edge, and a third could send you right over. Pay attention to the things that could trigger a negative mindset. Register the thoughts that make you feel like you are in a tailspin.
These moments are a reminder of why self-awareness is so critical. Being aware of your emotions, triggers, and the story you’re telling yourself in these moments are the necessary first steps in reframing to the positive. Have two annoying things already happened? Has one thing happened but you know it’s likely to set you off because it’s a strong trigger for you? Recognize the moment, be ready, and be alert.
2. Check your story.
The reality that we frame for ourselves is the reality that we then experience. But often it is our own moods that can shade, favorably or unfavorably, the moment that we’re in. So, I invite you to check your reality. Check your story. Listen to the words that you’re telling yourself. Look for the true reality of the situation, not the one you’ve created.
As the superlative language starts flying, and maybe you begin to have a physical, arms-flailing type of response, pay close attention to the story you are telling yourself. Really and truly, has the world come to an end? Check your reality. Yes, there is coffee spilling down the front of your cabinets, and perhaps on the front of your shirt, but in the grand scheme of things, is this really enough to ruin the rest of your day? Check your reality. Check the story you’re telling yourself. Listen to your perspective and your story to make sure that you’re being reasonable and rational about it.
Just the other day, I caught myself telling myself some stories about irritants that I had just experienced. But before I allowed them to completely throw my day off track, I was able to correct my story. I said to myself, “These are first-world problems. In the grand scheme of things, I have a roof over my head, and I have plenty of food to eat. I have children who are happy and healthy and loved. I have a job I love and a husband who loves me, I have an opportunity to do my best every day. Am I really going to pitch a fit over some yogurt on the floor?”
3. Fix your frame.
Reframe to the most positive view you can possibly think of.
Here’s the example. A couple of days ago, on a dreary, rainy morning, I was headed into a training location where I had to park further away than normal. With my cart of training equipment and materials for the day, I had to walk a couple of blocks in the rain and still arrive ready and fresh to teach an all-day class. I have nearly reached the entrance when I clip the curb and my training cart pulls out of my hand, falls to the ground, knocking the top off and sending my materials (including papers, workbooks, and a dozen or so happy face stress balls) flying across the wet, soggy pavement.
What’s my instinct? Irritation, of course! Doggone it! I can’t believe this just happened to me!
But just as I start to settle into this crappy attitude, someone shows up next to me and says, “Oh man, I hate it when that happens!” and they quickly start to help me gather my things off the wet pavement. Having picked everything up, I stand up to try and gather myself, only to realize I am filled with absolute gratitude for this good Samaritan. Trying not to dwell on the fact that my hair is now soggy and dripping down my face, I fix my perspective, smile, and say “Thank you.”
As I walk the last few steps into the building, someone else, who had witnessed the unfortunate event says to me, “You know, some days are just like that.” I smiled at her and said, “Yep! Some days you get an extra chance to see the kindness of strangers.” The person stopped in her tracks and said, “Wow! That is a positive reframe.” And I realized, in this conscience effort to reframe my day, in saying it out loud, there’s a chance that I found a way to help someone else have a better day, too.
I offer this story as a tip for you. Find the best possible reframe you can. When things don’t go your way, don’t just try to avoid a bad mood. Take it a step further by trying to find as much light and positivity in the situation as you can. Then, if given the opportunity, share your new-found frame with those around you. Not only will you be helping yourself avoid a tailspin of a day, you might just do the same for someone else.
So, there you have it. Three tips to reframe to the positive. What are your tips?
