The door to her bedroom sits open, and none of her stuff is in there anymore. Her older sister’s old room sits equally empty, everything looking even more starkly bare because we’d had guests for graduation, and the bedding is still in the laundry room.
We’ve all been looking forward to this. You could see the joyful anticipation as she picked out furnishings for her new apartment, and as she wholeheartedly embraced this next stage of her life.
A year early, and to another suburb of the metro, with joy and triumph and a ton of success! With our praise and confidence and all kinds of best wishes for all that is to come for her. With a job and an apartment and a support network and great plans for the future.
This is how it’s supposed to go. It’s everything we’ve wanted and planned and prayed for and dreamed. We’ve been preparing for this Her. Whole. Life.
The last one has flown the nest.
Oof.
And, it’s still change.
And it still takes some adjustment.
There’s still a hole there.
There’s still loss.
There’s still the ache of moments we won’t have again.
There’s still the wondering if I did enough to prepare her, to equip her, to teach her, to ready her for the future.
There’s still the bitter sting of tears behind my eyes remembering her and her older sister when they were younger – those laughs, those smiles, those carefree days that simply won’t come again no matter what we do.
Oof.
No matter how much we want and look forward to the thing that is ahead for us, there are things behind us we must let go of to embrace what’s next.
Just a few days later, yet more colleagues and friends learn of layoffs that change the trajectory of their futures. The next thing for them doesn’t look joy-filled today – I suspect it will at some point, because I’m a glass 3/4-full kind of girl. But right now, the pain of loss and the uncertainty of the future make it hard to see light in the darkness.
I remember this feeling when a contract gig ended abruptly sooner than expected.
The certainty of next week’s paycheck - gone.
Also gone, the comfortable camaraderie with the colleagues and friends over lunch.
And the familiarity of a daily routine – where I got my coffee, and when I stopped for a quick stretch/focus break.
And the reliable unreliability of that stupid printer/copier down the hall that jammed every third print job, but that gave us a common enemy on the days when we didn’t want to complain about people, but the global angst felt too grand for a Tuesday.
And the predictable plan of what I was going to do next month and next year, and the next few years until I moved on, on my terms.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. I had a plan and a vision, and someone was messing with my plans.
Oof.
And this is also change.
Change always brings something new
And even a bitter start can offer better if we choose it to.
We can let go of what doesn’t serve us or make us better.
We can rest in the pause.
We can set our sights on something better, intentionally.
We can learn new things.
We can connect with the people around us and build them up, and let them build us up.
Here’s the thing about change. Whether we caused it and planned it, or it “happened” to us, there’s good and there’s bad. There’s loss and there’s gain. There’s discomfort and there’s growth.
What we make of it depends very much on how we choose to show up and what kind of grace we give ourselves in the moment.
Celebrate successes, and cry the tears.
Feel the hurt, and enjoy the pause.
Notice the emptiness, and savor the quiet.
Hug the people, and lean on friends.
Listen a little more, and voice what you’re thinking and feeling.
Reflect a little more, and touch grass a little more.
Give yourself permission to feel okay about the good and the bad.
Give yourself permission to be okay with not being okay some moments, and more than okay other moments, and just okay still other moments.
And through it all, hydrate enough, and keep moving, one step in front of the next.
And as you’re doing all of that, start looking ahead to where you’re going from here, because the thing that’s next for you will be better than where you are right now, if you choose to make it so.
How about you? What will you do?
Additional blogs to read:
Let’s Talk About Layoffs
When Change Wasn’t What You Wanted
Click here to get more resources on change.
