Change Out of My Control

Christine and Tyler were chatting softly at the corner cafeteria table, concerned about the changes they’d seen in their colleague Mario. He used to be so social and outgoing. He was usually the life of the party around here, and now he seemed withdrawn, quiet. There were shadows under his eyes, and he wasn’t engaging in discussion much. His interactions with the team were limited to one-word answers, and terse responses, and then only when the conversation was directed at him specifically. It seemed weird.

“Everything seemed so fine a few months ago,” Tyler remarked, “Remember how Mario was the first to speak up, to offer his opinion, to offer suggestions, to jump in and help, to get the conversation started – even about tough stuff and things that were going wrong? He always had a ton of ideas.”

“Yeah,” agreed Christine, “but so much has changed since then. It’s got to be scary for Mario.

“What do you mean?” queried Tyler? Nothing’s changed from where I sit. A few dumb policies that didn’t affect me anyway. A couple of roles gone. A grant didn’t get renewed. Some of our clients aren’t here anymore. But we’ll find new ones. No biggie. We’ve been through this stuff before. Dozens of times. This is just one more set of changes. Doesn’t Mario know that? Flavor of the month, man. It will all settle down. Just wait and see. He doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom about it.”

“I’m not sure Mario sees things the same way you see them,” offered Christine. “I mean, look around. It was his stuff that got the most cuts. His sponsor is gone. Two of his projects got eliminated with the grant ending, and he hasn’t been here as long as any of the rest of us. He’s probably worried about his job. Have you seen the job market out there? It’s tough right now! And he and his wife are expecting a new little one in a couple of months. That’s got to be weighing heavily on him.”

“Well, none of us make these decisions, we just have to deal with them. So, what the heck are we supposed to do about it?” bit back Tyler, frustrated at his lack of control over the situation, wanting neither to come across like an insensitive jerk nor to give in to the growing sense of disempowerment he was feeling. “Change stinks!” He finally snapped, tossing his napkin on his tray.

Ever been there?

Change can feel so overwhelming, especially when it comes from outside our control.

If change was my idea, if it was something I wanted, or I set out to do, then sure, the disruption it causes to my world is something I can take in stride easily enough. But when it feels like change is happening to me, or worse – at me – then change can feel overwhelming, frustrating, disempowering, and can cause real harm to our ability to process our daily interactions.

What to do?

When you encounter change on the horizon that feels like it’s coming at you, get educated as quickly as you can.

1. What exactly is the change? What’s changing, and what’s staying the same? Of the things that are changing, see if you can get to the “why” behind the change. Who is driving this change, and what is the motive behind the change. Not what motive do you assume they have, not what motive can you falsely assign based on something you read in passing or some set of dots you think you connected from hallway conversations, but really, based in Unconditional Positive Regard, based on the set of values and common purpose you share with the decision-makers in this case, what’s their why. Make an honest, authentic endeavor to understand why they are implementing the Change (with a big “C”) they are changing.
   • If you understand the Why, and you agree with the Why, getting on board with the Change will be easier.
   • If you understand the Why and you disagree with the Why, then finding a new organization to align with will be a better use of your time and energy, since you won’t be able to bring others to the new state effectively.
   • If you understand the Why and you agree with the Why but not the How, you can begin to have respectful and effective conversations about other ways to achieve the How.
2. What is the timeline and process to get from where we are now to where we’re headed? By understanding the plan, you can identify how much time you have to bring yourself into alignment with the vision or to find a new opportunity with which to align. Within an organizational context, such as a workplace, “Stay in joy or go in joy, but don’t stay in misery.”
3. Who is leading the change and transition, and what is their heart for the people? By understanding the people who are leading the transition, their character, their commitment to the people they are bringing along, you’ll have a good understanding for the journey ahead, and you’ll begin to understand how leverage your emotional intelligence to work effectively with them.
4. Where can you plug in your own skills to be helpful? If there are messages (top down or bottom up or side to side) that are simply not getting through, can you help be a conduit for communication? If there are people who need a listening ear of compassion, can you pause and listen?
   
   

If I’d run into Christine and Tyler, I might encourage them to check in with Mario, encourage them to spend time with Mario to let him know they care, and they’d notice changes in him and they want him to feel safe speaking up around them. I’d encourage them to offer him whatever information they had about the changes they’d seen so far. I would also encourage them together to check in with their shared leader (who happens to be Mario’s leader, too) and make sure that the leader will keep them all up to speed on everything that’s going on. I’d encourage them together to find the strategic plan or the project plan or risk plan that was covering the current actions and get as informed as they could, and build a relationship with whoever was running that from inside the organization. I would also encourage them to practice radical self-management practices to not let the chaos of the changes prevent them from focusing on the work they need to do and the people they care about.

If you are interested in learning more about change, feel free to check out our blogs and on demand webinars on those topics. If this information resonated well with you, and you want to be a better change agent where you work, you might be the perfect candidate for our Change Makers certification program! Please reach out to us on any of our social media channels to learn more, or check out our website!