Four Traits of Good Leaders

Four Traits of Good Leaders – How to Spot Them and How to Cultivate Them

Whether we’re formally leading others or informally influencing, we’re all making an impact on the lives of others.

In my own life, I believe I’ve been called to be salt and light, and to create an environment where others desire my presence over my absence.

When I am leading, whether as a project leader, a volunteer leader in my community, or as the head of my organization, I need to demonstrate leadership skills that others would want to follow.

When others are leading me, I look for characteristics that demonstrate to me that I would be comfortable following them.

Here are four traits that I look for that have come to mind recently. These aren’t the only four, and they’re in no particular order, but they do matter. With each example I’ve included what they are and how to detect them, as well as some examples of how to build the skills if you’re trying to build them in yourself.

1 - A leader must have social and situational awareness.

This is part of emotional intelligence. This is the ability to recognize the audience, the situation, the moment. Recognize who is there and whether a given story is appropriate for a given moment.

What I look for?

I’m looking for a leader who has the situational awareness to discern what kind of story to tell or not tell in a given moment.

I've not spent any time in a men's locker room, so I don't know exactly what kind of talk goes on there, but I have a sense that what is said there is not also appropriate for public stages, for dinner parties, for public events, for family celebrations. I’m not interested in following a leader who can’t tell the difference between locker room talk and board room talk.

Practical application?

Maybe I had a triumphant day, but a person at home had a tough day – sharing my joy can wait until I’ve given them a chance to unburden themselves of theirs.

Maybe the team is in a bit of a funk, and so am I. But lashing out from my own stress isn’t going to help build the team up, so I should be able to set my own grouchiness aside and tell an uplifting story or add a morale-boosting lift to my voice.

Ideally the conversation of a leader of integrity is equally uplifting, but even so, there are subjects of conversation that are okay in some spaces and not okay in others. My folks used to call it “bathroom humor” and it wasn’t appropriate at the dinner table.

Be a leader who recognizes the moment, and adjusts the tone and topic of the conversation to be situationally appropriate to the audience and the atmosphere.

2 – A leader must be able to disagree without being disrespectful.

This characteristic includes one part self-management from emotional intelligence, one part unconditional positive regard. In some ways, this is similar to the first point about reading the room, but it’s about the ability to curb your tongue in anger. I see it as the ability to not swear at or about someone you don’t like.

What I look for?

I’m looking for a leader who has the self-management to not swear at someone in anger.

We used to not swear at each other. We used to be decent, even in our disagreement. And maybe, at my ripe old age of 49 years, I'm just so old-fashioned that it's out of style. But I don't think so. My college-aged kids and their friends can clean up their language when I'm around. So if a leader gets so worked up and angry that they can’t control their temper and they fly off the handle in a rage and swear a blue streak that would have to be bleeped out if it were to air on national television, that’s not a leader I’m going to be interested in following.

Practical application?

On balance I’m not prone to swearing anyway, so that part’s not the problem for me, but I do get frustrated sometimes, so I can relate really well to that.

I’d rather see a leader who can take a deep breath, regulate their temper, and use humor or a little space to calm back down rather than taking potshots at other humans.

If I’m really hot under the collar at a given situation, I’m going to look for chances to add humor, to breathe deeply, to step away for a walk, to focus on note-taking or other manual tasks to bring my body and brain back under control.

I’ll tap into my curiosity to find out what’s making me triggered or what made them do the thing that triggered me, and use problem-solving techniques to get to the bottom of it rather than swear at or yell at another human in belittling anger.

My default vocal intonation is fairly intense, especially if I’m focused on something, so if I’m intently focused, then I’m going to come across as highly worked up already – so it’s up to me to regulate that and bring my intensity level back down so I don’t offend anyone around me.

Be a leader who self-manages and self-regulates and who treats others with respect rather than yelling at them or swearing about them in disagreement or out of hurt.

3-A leader must be willing to admit when they are wrong

This characteristic includes curiosity and a willingness to learn. False illusions of being always right are dangerous and ill-fated. “Pride goes before the fall,” is the Proverb. This includes a healthy dose of curiosity mixed with a willingness to learn, to see things from a new perspective, and to admit that they have changed their thinking over time when given new information.

What I look for?

I’m looking for a leader who has the confidence to admit that they were wrong before and they’ve learned something new.

I have a name that's hard for some folks to pronounce, and though I’m pretty indulgent about how anyone pronounces my name, I take a lot of care in making sure that people know how to pronounce each other’s names.

I recall an example where a group of people were introduced to a young man by a western name, even though his given name was something entirely different. His name was too hard for many to pronounce, he said, so someone told him to just use a “western sounding” name. This was heartbreaking for me to watch. When I see good leaders in action, especially around the use of names, they make the effort to say each person’s name correctly. His name is Michel, not Michael. Her name is Mindy, not Mandy.

Practical application?

My experience has been that if a person continues to get someone’s name wrong over and over again, especially if they work together closely, it’s for one of three reasons:

• • they are unable or unwilling to learn;
  • they are refusing to admit they were wrong;
  • they are intentionally demeaning the other person by mispronouncing their name on purpose.

But a good leader learns, tries, and does better. A good leader says, wait, let me try that again. A good leader says, I didn’t get that right.

Let’s take it out of the pronunciation of names into something else like the subject matter of an employee’s or colleague’s area of expertise, or even the name of a system or program at work. Be a leader who cares enough to learn, to try, and to keep trying until you get it right.

4-A leader must not intentionally belittle or demean other humans for any reason.

This one is almost entirely made up of unconditional positive regard, though it does have some self-control built in. If a person genuinely believes that other humans are good and valuable, then there’s less need for self-control or self-management, except maybe on the grouchy days. But this characteristic is about making sure that no one ever hears you utter an unkind or demeaning word about someone else.

What I look for?

I’m looking for a leader who builds others up, rather than tearing any down.

In our current environment, there are a lot of extremes, and there’s been a lot of negativity. It’s easy to slip into the blame game and the world of mud-slinging and disparaging others for whatever reason. But that’s not good leadership. I’m not interested in a leader who calls someone else names, who disparages groups of people for whatever that group happens to have in common, who belittles others and tries to make themselves feel superior.

Practical application?

Whether the other person is in the room or not, my preference is to have leaders speak only well of others.

Whenever you can, catch people in the act of doing something praiseworthy, so that you can use that as something you can talk about, instead of letting the conversation shift to gossip or things we would sling mud or rumors about.

We see the things we’re looking for, so if you look for the good, you will find it.

Be one of those people who praises others in their presence and in their absence, who finds something nice to say about everyone, and if you can’t find something nice to say, then choose to say nothing at all.

My experience with these four characteristics – Character makes the leader. And character does, in fact, matter.

Because whatever you’re leading – a project, a family, an organization…if your character cannot be trusted, then neither can your plan for leadership.